On December 17th, 1999 a man I love went to see the Father up above. Ricky Alan Hull. Rick was our worship leader at church and his focus was on serving the Lord. Not sure why, still to this day, he was taken to see Jesus. I’ll tell you what I have taken from Rick’s life; passion, perseverance, and to hold back nothing when you first meet someone. He was our worship leader for maybe 6 months when he passed away and I didn’t take the time to find out who he truly was. It was my search after his death that I found out the majority of what I know about him now. He was 26 when he died, had a wife, whom he loved with all that he was, and a daughter on the way. He touched multitudes of people hearts and lives. How many people can I effect from now till I am twenty-six?
After Rick passed away I turned to God and had a renewed “fire” for Him. This renewed sense fell apart quickly because I started to put my trust and faith in my friends around me. The types of friends that have a soul purpose of bring others down. I did however find a young lady that was caring, and compassionate to me. We fell in love in a hurry because that’s what I was looking for, something to fill the void. Music was a self centered way of life for me and it would be this way for about four more years.
After graduating high school I joined the United States Air Force and went away to basic training. Two weeks after arriving at technical training, my roommate asked if I wanted to go out drinking with him. I had only gotten drunk once in high school. I didn’t like what I became when I was drunk then but I thought this is a new place and you know what I might meet some cool people like my roommate. So I went to the party that night . Ihis was the start of what I thought was a grand friendship. Listening to music and drinking was a fun time of all who where around. Being intoxicated lowers your inhibitions and your logic. You become someone your not. Things happen that you might not know about such as demon spirits that control your thoughts. I didn’t know any of this took place.
Music was something that was used to put thoughts in my head while I was drinking. Ritualistic music is something I got into. This music was on the underground scene; Insane Clown Posse. It was here that I decided to stay and enjoy for quite sometime. I found another religion and ICP was it. The concept of this group was that all the people that had been hurt, abused, raped, molested, druggies and bastards were to unite as a family called Juggellos and put your faith in this mystical, magical, great Dark Carnival. Looking back this cultic religion didn’t stray to far from the precepts of Christianity. The difference is that ICP glorified your life of maltreatment and turned it to hate for everything. Christianity gives you hope for your future. The Dark Carnival lacks any chance of becoming better. You are to continue being used by society thus perpetuating more haltered for everything. Jesus Christ died so I can have life eternal and get victory from my life of malcontent, such as ICP would like me to think.
My addiction to Alcohol almost took my life. July 14, 2002. I was twenty when my near fatal accident happened, flying out of my truck 20 or 30 feet into the air. when I landed you could see that I had broken my right humorous, my left eye socket, my left cheek bone, and my the left part of my nose again. Having previously broken my nose in a fight that happened when, guess what, I was drinking. Well back to the story at hand. I also had a gash in my left shoulder that would require eighteen to twenty stitches. My left eye had opened up and I would need two stitches for that. Lastly my head had cuts, from the window I went kind of out, also needing stitches for that. It was some night in October of 2002 when I asked God why he spared my life; me having less faith right then than anyone in the world. Why save my life when he could have saved Ricks’ or other people of importance in my life that were God fearing and loving Men. I bought into Satan's lies to me and did nothing about the calling that I had known about since I was 13. I continued to drink my sorrows away and stay in my deep pit of muck.
July 24, 2003 I was officially “Generally discharged for a pattern of miss conduct”. This was the third happiest day of my life. I was happy for this because I was going home from the Air Force. This had, in my mind, taken me away from Christ. Knowing now that it is easier to be a dark person in a dark place than it is to be the light to that dark place. So I moved back home, in with the parents. I started hanging out with my friends that I knew wouldn’t ask me a million questions about “why you get kick out the service, Mark?” again these friend were the ones that bring you down. It was an environment of opportunity. If alcohol was there I drank it. If marijuana was there I most likely smoked it. Even a couple of times doing methamphetamines.
My love for music was still a self centered way of life. At this time I was constantly singing “No one knows what it’s like to be a bad man, to be a sad man, like I do, and I blame you.” These lyrics rang in my ear ever so gently. See I was still trying to remove a calling on my life and I thought what a better way than to be angry with God. I was trying to tear my whole life apart because if I didn’t know of God I wouldn’t be able to follow him. So I played hard at seeking my goal of disavowing God. “Doing meth is the one thing I would say could mess your life up so bad. Don’t keep doing it” was what a man that was addicted to meth said to me. I listened to a non-Christians struggle and I wanted no part of that.
This was now around Christmas time that I decided to tell my parents that I have know since June of 2003 that I could be a father. Turns out after, 4 more months, a DNA test proved I wasn’t. A couple of months after finding out I wasn’t a father, I could be found on any given night smoking marijuana. When an ex-girlfriend says “Didn’t you say you were going to be a pastor? How is this helping?” again I took a non-Christians perspective on things and did not continue with smoking marijuana. A month after this I was arrested for driving under the influence of intoxicants for the second time in a little over two years. Now having been sentenced to 3 years of probation and I was in jail for 8 day. I have been alcohol free for sometime now.
All through out 2004 I would go to college group church and try to seek God but still remaining in sin with the drugs and alcohol. However I did have some heart cries’ for help but only to myself. I would scream at the top of my lungs this chorus “We were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves? Some where we live in side” This became my Anthem of Hope. Something had to change at the end of what I called my “Summer of Sin”. This something was my lives call to be a youth pastor and I knew just the place to take care of that. It’s were my Dad went to become a pastor. This is the place I am in today. I have had fellowship with God on a regular basis. Not every day but at least 4 times a week, since coming to Eugene Bible College. I would say two events stick out the most since giving my life and my will to God.
The first being when freshman orientation took us to Camp Lane. I had never heard of a prayer tunnel but this was what was taking place this morning. The student council was to pray blessing upon us, to be lead by the Holy Spirit. “This is too Pentecostal for me…People praying in tongues openly…I haven’t seen that in a long while…have I ever spoke in tongues?...there was that one time something funny came out my mouth…was that it…not sure…well show me what you have for me Lord that’s what I am here for…Wow did I ever doubt you so much…I guess that answers if I can speak in tongues… I am here Lord use me now more than ever”
When I was struggling in 2004 I would write down my hearts cry on paper. My first writing was actually on Kmart register paper! Later that day I got a real composition book and started writing my thoughts, heart aches, joys, and pleasures down. I knew I could not hide these feelings and some day I would have to share them. I knew I would be an open book and this would help people see my heart. God gave me the talent to bring words together that show a story. I want to convey that my life was on both sides of the fence in 2003-2004. I had very strong moments of God in my life and other times I was as far away from God as could be. I lived a life of seeking God entangled with this was a life of seeking myself. I went back and fourth many times between the two; Highs and lows, peaks and valleys, pits and triumphs.
The last sixty-eight and a half hours I have been able to have true insight to my life. This started to take place when I was at a rap concert in Corvallis, Oregon. I was there to see aProof and Benjiman. I did the possible and God did the impossible. The Holy Spirit’s anointing was on these two men of God. I took quick notice of this fact. These two men both spoke about being called by God and using what God has given you and he will multiply everything. Now I have heard this before and my heart wasn’t ready to except this truth but I took it to heart this time. When I got home on Saturday night, which was really 2:30 Sunday morning, I looked up a scripture aProof had written down for me. Mark 11:24-25 (New International Version) says this “Therefore I tell you whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
To conclude, all of my life has been filled with music and the emotion that played a convincing role in my life. I have known since 2001 that music can be a strong hold in ones life or bring you great peace and understanding of who God is. God has shown me through prayer and worship that he has given me talents that I have not been using; my love of music and the poetry of my life. It doesn’t matter that I was a drug and alcohol addict, a drug dealer, law breaker, a ladies man, or a preachers’ kid. What does matter is that God is on the throne in my life and I am saved by his willingness to send his son and for his son to take that cross and die for all that I have done in my lifetime. Christ Jesus died for my sins so I could find his love and be redeemed by his sacrifice. He loved the people of this world emphatically. So I take this talent that God has given me and I will use it to change the world. I have had a joy for music my whole life, sometimes good and sometimes bad. God’s hand has guided me my whole life. Music Reigned on Sunday.